My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
