Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
