everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
