I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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