dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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