is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
