My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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