is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
