please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
