Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
