i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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