Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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