Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
