i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
my poor anus
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I want a musical about memes.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
