You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
