and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
