i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
