You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize