that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
