Umm I'm too high to move.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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