my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Holy sore nipples Batman
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
