birth control should be required to get into college
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
