I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
