Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
