I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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