I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
