Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
