i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
