I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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