an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize