Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
