True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Two words: blizzard sex
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
