made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
