and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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