If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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