You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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