We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
