non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
