I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
