dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
