He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
