Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
