i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
