dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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