drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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