Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
