Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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