boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
