tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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