a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
