Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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