so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
