me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
