Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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