We won't sleep together?
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
