I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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