What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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