Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
