For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
